Having a child is always a risky proposition. Having a child through adoption has additional risks, chief among them the risk that you won’t be able to keep the child you love. That’s true with private adoption or foster-adoption: the mother may change her mind or behavior, and a court may be called on to decide the fate of your family. It is the position of the California foster and adoption system that if possible, children should be with their biological parents. Perhaps that’s good for the kids, which means it’s ultimately worthwhile ... but that doesn't mean it's good for the nerves of adoptive parents.
We just said we’re not interested in taking on twin boys, a couple days old, born premature. They’ve got some health issues – one needs to stay in the hospital while his lungs develop, both had prenatal exposure to crystal meth – but they were so much exactly what we wanted in any other way, we nearly said yes. The problem for us was the risk of having the babies taken away from us, which was pretty high. The mother had drugs issues (obviously), but she was in a treatment center and had been there for a month. She had given up other kids for adoption, but she was visiting these ones in the hospital. The father seemed to be involved as well. All signs pointed towards a mother who had made some mistakes, but was on the road to recovery and was going to fight for her kids. Better to put the little boys in the hands of someone who just wants to foster and not adopt, to care of them until the court decides the mother is ready. We wish them, and the mother all health and happiness.
Damn, though. It would have been great.
Next ones we hope will have a risk level we can stomach.
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A blog from a writer and his partner, new fathers through foster adoption.
3 comments:
What a wild ride adoption can be. I hope that the perfect child(ren) will come along very soon. I remember the waiting can be the hardest part.
We too waited for adoption, we went international. I hope it works out soon and that you will be able to love a child that so desperatly needs love. Your life will change in so many ways!
gosh what a heartwrenching decision--but the right one, imo. twins under the best of circumstances are double everything. maybe not how you want to start out.
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