Day #6: Naked Man, Furry Puppies, and Dinner With Amanda & Hemingway

Day 6 began as a sort of a dream where we had no idea what time it was. While we were over our jet lag, our iphones never adjusted to European time, and when we called the front desk on waking, we asked what time it was, and we think they said in French that it was eight o’clock. When we got ourselves together for petit dejeuner in the little room off the central courtyard, we got the feeling from the polite staff that we were a trifle late. And then when we set off down the street afterwards, we noticed the sun was high in the sky, and we went in one more time to see what time it was. About quarter ‘til eleven.

Nous sommes en retard!

(And no, that doesn’t mean we’re idiots)

We were meeting a friend at eleven thirty some miles away. The hotel was the grande dame très chic of marbled Parisian hotels, the Crillon, fitting because our friend is a grande dame très chic herself. She’s famous, so we’ll call her Madame A.

As we scurried along the Seine for our lunch, we had to stop short when we got to the statues in the Jardin des Tuileries.

“Penis!” cried Mikey. “Boobies and penis!”

There are other interesting statues in the eastern fountain in the gardens, a minotaur and a centaur, but first the boobies of a nude woman caught Mikey’s attention, and then the penis of a nude man. In later research, I discovered the latter statue was “Cain Venant De Tuer Son Frére Abel (Cain Coming From Killing His Brother Abel)” by Henri Vidal, intended to capture that remorse most of us feel when we kill a sibling. Mikey recognized at once that the naked man was “sad” and we asked him why.

“Maybe the sun burn he’s butt?”

We met Madame A. in the lobby of the Hotel Crillon, and she swept us out to the central courtyard and her usual table. There was a buffet brunch and Mikey thought the miniature salade Niçoise looked interesting – but only as a vehicle to eat little quails’ eggs. Madame A. immediately instructed the staff to bring Mikey a dozen quails’ eggs, and while he ate them, we drank our champagne. Suddenly, there was a need for a diaper change (these things happen even in the most elegant of places), and I took him off to the bathroom. Mikey discovered a toilet brush and found that to be as much fun as anything else in Paris thus far.

When we returned and had finished our brunch, Madame A. said she needed to give Mikey a gift so she took his hand in hers and brought her to the shop. She showed him bears and bags, scarves and books, and then a little stuffed puppy he immediately crushed to his chest, love at first sight.

“Look,” said Madame A. “He has a daddy.”

She handed Mikey a larger version of the puppy. I touched them too. They were soft. Too soft. Then she found an even larger puppy, and tried to give it to Mikey, asking if he wanted all three, but he shook his head. “Just two.”

The saleswoman murmured something discreetly in Madame A.’s ear.

“Vraiment?” Madame A. shuddered. “Oh la la … Mikey, which one do you want?”

“Two, please, to match.”

Since she had been pushing for three, Mikey was hardly being grabby. Madame A. agreed and the puppies were wrapped in gold foil and put in a large bag. After our kisses and thank yous for brunch and the gift, she said to Ian, “Perhaps you could put them out of the way when Mikey’s friends come to play? They are chinchilla.”

Mikey loved cuddling his puppies, but they weren’t enough to put him to sleep in the cab or at our hotel, so we spent the afternoon shopping on the left bank until it was time for dinner with an old friend of mine, a great jewelry designer named Amanda Kaiserman.

When I say she’s an old friend, I first met her when I was about Mikey’s age, and besides being lovely, glamorous, and funny, she’s sweet and generous and willing to meet up with us in kid friendly locations. We were told that a restaurant in the 8th called Cremerie – Restaurant Polidor was ideal for introducing kids to brasserie food. It was an old favorite of the Lost Generation, and we later saw it in Woody Allen’s latest movie as the place where the modern day character meets his hero Ernest Hemingway.

Unfortunately, Mikey’s exhaustion finally caught up with him and he fell asleep on the hard wooden stools before Amanda arrived, and didn’t wake up until dinner was over.

Lucky for him it was time for ice cream.