On Sunday, our sister-in-law Kelly gave birth to a little girl, who, if we are able to adopt Baby J, will be his first cousin. We got to the hospital yesterday, and J was a little cranky, so we went looking for a restroom to change him. In all of UCLA Santa Monica hospital, there is no bathroom with changing facilities. We even discreetly checked out the women’s restrooms to see if by the old double standard, they were there in there, but no luck. Finally, we changed J’s diaper in the front lobby, and then learned that babies aren’t permitted to visit the maternity ward. That’s right: no babies allowed in maternity. H1N1 contamination fears, it seems. So I visited the beautiful little girl, and told J all about her. Hopefully he’ll get to meet her soon.
Earlier yesterday, we had our third meeting with birth mom and dad, which is stressful for all of us. Ian and I are in a strange state of being as foster-adoptive parents: we are supposed to be cheerleaders for reunification until that doesn’t work out, and then we’re supposed to snap into parent mode. Being human, and having this amazing little boy in our lives, whom we feed, burp, change, play with, tickle, and sometimes just stare wonderingly at while he stares back at us and then slowly grins … well, let’s just say our cheerleading for reunification with the birth parents sounds really false in our ears.
Baby J’s birth parents love him, that’s pretty clear. And he has not been neglected or abused. I don’t think they can take care of him, but it’s not my call. The judge here in California has decided to move the case to another state, where the birth parents actually live (one of them was visiting here when the incident occurred leading to J being taken away by the police), and we will see on Friday if that other state agrees to take the case, and with it, our boy. 50/50 odds, we’ve been told.
It’s hard to warm a bottle with crossed fingers.
We just want to be able to name the next blog posting "Week 3 With Baby J."
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3 comments:
My fingers are crossed. As someone who has helped numerous friends through abortions in highschool, college, and beyond, I guess I'm old school about some things. Planning is key. If you don't have the fiscal capacity to parent, in this expensive day and age, you really need to think about unprotected sex (or down some Plan B if you have failed contraception).
Fewer people are getting married and average family size has decreased a lot in the last 50 years.
The "system" should be thankful for people like you who ride an emotional rollercoaster while birth parents try to get their act together.
Rant over (and my condoms don't expire for another year).
Ted and Ian -- (This is Anne Rodman in my secret account guise) I'm whole-heartedly with Marna on this one. In fact, I don't understand why parenting shouldn't be licensed, far more aggressively than driving or fishing. I send out my love and best thoughts for you and Baby J.
The H1N1 ban on visitors under 16 is inconvenient for orderly people like yourselves, but as a hospital volunteer, I can tell you that it's been a blessing, in terms of discouraging families who regard the entire hospital as a babysitting unit. Since I deal with surgery and ICU, I once had to explain to an angry gang-bangerette why she couldn't take her tantrum-throwing 4-year-old into the ICU unit, where Baby Daddy was on a ventilator, recuperating from cardiac bypass. "For God's sake," I wanted to say, "doesn't heart disease at 33 tell you something? Give the man a few hours of blissful unconsciousness!"
There should be a license...
XO
Anne R.
Hey guys, I will light a novena candle for you and your expanding family. My god daughter and neice both lost their babies this month during and post first trimester. Our hearts were deeply dissapointed and saddened, so therefore you will be foremost in my heart and mind wishing you success completing the processes that you have to endure to make it real and final. love and light rob
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